This story comes to us via the Intelligencer which means we have finally made our way into the Philadelphia suburbs. This funny tale of a man who had too much to drink takes place in the town of Hatfield, PA.
Thirty-nine year old loser Vincent Diantonio called the police around 10:50 to complain of a foul odor that was coming from a business nearby. This business apparently stockpiles animal fat/grease and Mr. Diantonio did not like it. Instead of closing his windows or going somewhere else, Mr Diantonio decided to do what ever rational thinking adult would do: he lit the 55-gallon drums of animal fat/grease on fire!
But wait…there’s more!
Diantonio (who goes by the nickname of “Boy Genius”) decides to call back the police forty minutes later to complain about the smell except this time he’s riding a tractor. Officers then notice beer cans, butane lighters, and smoke. As it would turn out, Diantonio was extremely drunk and decided he was going to set the animal fat on fire. Now he’s in jail for arson. Worst drinking story, ever.
What makes this story interesting is the fact that this guy was drunk…at 11:30 in the morning! Does this guy think he’s on spring break or something? I’ve been to Hatfield and it’s pretty difficult to confuse with Cabo, Cancun, Lake Havasu, or any other place that people go for spring break. There’s a Kohl’s, a Lowe’s, and of course the Hatfield Pork Products plant in the town. That’s about it. Regardless, think of when you’ve gotten really drunk. I think everyone has had the urge to set a fire and ride a tractor after getting really loaded. If by everyone I mean nobody! Mr Diantonio better brace himself, because he’s going to be smelling much worse things when he goes to prison.