It has been a while since we last heard from our favorite Philadelphia athlete-turned criminal, Lenny Dykstra. For those new to LOLadelphia, Cory and I dubbed 2011: The Year of Lenny Dykstra. Here’s what you may have missed.
- Lenny gets in trouble for supposedly demanding oral sex and a massage from a maid
- Lenny was arrested for drug possession and auto theft
- Lenny received the services of a prostitute, wrote her a check, and the check bounced.
- Lenny gives an interview on NBC 10 in which he appeared drunk and looking like he robbed a thrift store.
- Lenny eats a complimentary $700 meal and doesn’t leave a tip
- It was revealed that Lenny was a close friend of Charlie Sheen
- I found my Lenny Dykstra autographed baseball in a assorted box of crap in a damp and disgusting basement
The reason why we haven’t heard much from Dykstra is because he has been in jail for the last few weeks while awaiting trial on various charges including felony grand theft auto. However, Dykstra is such a shitty human being that he doesn’t even have to be among the general population to get in trouble with the law. His past indiscretions are more than happy to catch up to him.
In this recent installment of “Year of Lenny Dykstra”, Dykstra is charged with exposing his wrinkled and shriveled balls (shriveled due to years of confirmed steroid use) to housekeepers that he met via…wait for it…CRAIGSLIST! So, in addition to being a drug addict who steals cars and scams people out of money, Dykstra is also a pervert. He’s pretty much hit the trifecta of shitty crimes.
I am saddened by Dykstra’s downward spiral, but anyone who watched him play in the early 90’s saw this kind of post-baseball career coming from a mile away. He just always seemed like a shitty human-being. Seriously though, Craigslist. I knew there was a reason why I always felt like I needed a shower after going on there. It’s because creeps like Dykstra are using it as a way to show would-be housekeepers his junk.